Fox News Channel could be wading into hot water with a story about the dinosaur-killing asteroid that hit the earth some 66 million years ago. It’s not because a significant portion of their viewers are so-called “young earth” Creationists; it’s just that, given the conservative outlet’s aging demographic (more than half of FNC’s viewers are eligible for Social Security), some of them might be old enough to remember when dinosaurs roamed the earth, and might see things differently. On the other hand, underwater volcanoes (which might have turned the oceans into a “frothy mess”) does sound pretty cool.
This story’s a little more recent, but equally puzzling: A man was arrested in suburban Durban, South Africa, caught in the act of stealing pipes from a mortuary. Not just any mortuary, mind you—this genius decided to steal from the mortuary on police property. Perhaps he thought there’d be nobody there to disturb him, but a security guard heard noises, followed by the sound of water gushing, and called for the cops, who quickly made their way down the hall. The would-be master-thief was apprehended as he tried to escape, pipes still in his hand. No motive has been given for the attempted burglary.
From San Antonio, Texas, comes a story featuring a mortician who obviously went into the wrong business. Robert “Dick” Tips is the name of a mohel, not a funeral director. And his choice of vocation is coming back to haunt him. Dick and his wife are being sued for gross negligence after a funeral home they own lost the body of Julie Mott in 2015. That’s bad enough, but even worse was Dick’s hiring of Nicholas Moreno. Nick’s name isn’t the problem, but the name of his band, Flesh Hoarder, should have tipped Tips off. The quintet claims to play “brutal death metal”; To show just how brutal they are, they give their songs quaint titles such as “Ejaculating On The Faces of the Aborted,” “Infatuation With Menstruation,” and “Human Drapery.” In their lighter moments, the band also flirted with Satanism, and Mott’s family claims that might have contributed to their daughter’s body disappearing from her casket while at the Beyer & Beitel Mortuary. Her body has still not been found.