We know most of you are probably more concerned with decorating the Christmas tree and the Alabama election, or just remembering it’s the first night of Hanukah and wondering where you stowed the menorah last year, but want you to know that the funeral industry is still hard at work, anticipating your needs. Today, we turn to Thacker Caskets, since 1939, the leading family owned supplier to the trade. And when it comes to caskets, they know that you no longer care about gauge and round-ends (speak for yourself, Thacker Caskets! I know I, and some of my readers, still care passionately about round-ends!). No, you, the modern casket customer, have only two things on your mind: price and eye appeal. And not just the outside, mind you. You’re looking for a casket interior any dead relative would be proud to be seen in. Thacker Caskets has come up with a solution: the next big innovation in caskets, Tailored Designs™. So, get thee behind me, velvet! Start packing your bags, crepe. There are new fabrics in town: get a load of White Floral, White Eyelet, Pink Linwood, White Pinstripe, Realtree® Camo & Duck Cloth, White Basketweave, Blue Basketweave and Rosetan Basketweave. There’s something for everyone. And I don’t know about you, but until this moment, I had not given much thought to the fabric in which I will lie swathed for my eternal rest, but as of right now, I can’t imagine not being laid to rest surrounded by Realtree® Camo & Duck Cloth. And with Tailored Designs™, I’ll be able to get it, on an at-need basis, on 80% of Thacker’s line of caskets.
OK. a relative dies, and you offer to help out. They were smart, made prearrangements, but you still want to make sure it all goes well. It’s the morning of the funeral, and you’re checking everything out. Enough chairs? Check. Flowers? Check. Does the casket have Thaker’s Tailored Designs™ Realtree® Camo & Duck Cloth? Oh, you bet it does. Check. But what about booze? Surely the bereaved would want their friends and family to indulge in a little day drinking for their funeral? Well, if you lived in Jeffersonville, Indiana, you could just check that one off your list as well! The Scot Funeral Home there has received its liquor license and is ready to pour out the drinks while you pour out your heart. 
For the status conscious among us, there is really only one way to be interred, and that’s in a New England Casket Co. Concord casket. It’s solid mahogany, and costs up to $25,000. Spend your eternal rest in a Concord, and you’ll be joining the ranks of such well-known departed as Muhammad Ali, Anna Nicole Smith, Heath Ledger, Walter Cronkite, Joan Rivers, Leona Helmsley, Philip Seymour Hoffman, and Tip O’Neill. A family-run business, New England Casket Co. prides themselves on their craftsmanship and ability to customize each coffin, such as the “Sportsman,” which have camouflage interiors and elk antler handles. Camouflage interior and elk antler handles? Sorry, Thaker’s Tailored Designs™ Realtree® Camo & Duck Cloth, there’s a new camo in town.
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