It’s become something of a cliché to comment after a particularly reprehensible, spittle-flecked tirade from a paleo-conservative that “it probably sounded better in the original German.” But that hoary joke (which can be traced back to Molly Ivins’ reaction to Pat Buchannan’s “blood and soil” tirade at the 1992 GOP Convention) doesn’t give a sense of the horror-show provided by the double-barreled fusillade at yesterday’s CPAC from NRA’s crypt-keeper Wayne LaPierre, and their spokeswoman, the semi-retired dominatrix Dana Loesch. No, German just can’t capture the unreconstructed bloodlust and pure hatred that coursed through their speeches—they probably sounded better in their original Klingon. Don’t know about you, but “neH Dochmey laH qab guy ghaH gun ‘e’ mev QaQ guy je” sounds more persuasive than “the only thing that could stop a bad guy with a gun is a good guy with a gun.” (Of course, the “good guy with a gun” at Marjory Stoneman Douglas last week decided to sit this one out—perhaps, like those Life Lock ads, he wasn’t a security guard, but a security monitor—but little things like facts and logic have never mattered to this crew.)
Loesch, dressed in high heels, tight black jeans, an open military-styled jacket and a ruffled white shirt, her eyebrows arched in perpetual disdain and her mouth pursed into a permanent sneer—the same expression you’d imagine on her face if a client dared to not lick her shoes—her severely straight back hair a flat helmet hanging close to her head. She is a woman of sharp angles, as if the fire of her contempt for those who would dare make her wait three days before she could get her hands on some military-grade weaponry has burned her down to the studs.
She engaged in what could easily win the Gold medal for projection, telling the “legacy media” in the back of the room that they actually wish for mass murder. “You love it,” she scoffed, taking especial pleasure in describing “crying white mothers.” She dared those who disagree with her to “Scream at me, confront me,” and bragged “we’re not going anywhere,” (pretty big words for a woman who claimed to fear for her life at CNN’s Town Hall, a gun-free zone if ever there was one), before co-opting Emma González’ “BS” call-and-response, proving there is no basement to the awfulness of these people.
“Scream at me, confront me,” but “we’re not going anywhere,” she bragged (pretty big words for a woman who claimed to fear for her life at CNN’s Town Hall, a gun-free zone if ever there was one), before co-opting Emma González’ “BS” call-and-response, proving there is no basement to the awfulness of these people.
But she was merely the warm up for the headliner, the NRA’s CEO, Executive Vice-President and guy who doesn’t just scream for kids to get off his lawn, but threatens get off my lawn, or I’ll shoot. And it took him less than a minute to do what he claims his enemies have done: politicize another school shooting. The NRA he claimed, just wants everyone to be safe; it’s those terrible Liberals who are opportunists, “wasting not one second” to exploit a tragedy for political gain. “Saul Linsky,” he said, mangling the name of a Right-wing boogieman, “would be proud.” “They hate the Second Amendment, they hate individual freedom,” their goal, he fulminates, is to “eradicate all individual freedom.” He really does hate the now 66% of the nation who disagree with him about gun control, which makes it hard for him to give a speech that doesn’t frighten the majority of Americans. He’s spent his life pushing the most vile positions, but he broke the first rule of his trade: never sample your product. Now he’s addicted.
And for someone who won’t stand for politicizing gun ownership, he sure is willing to connect gun ownership with other parts of the Right-Wing political program. Gun laws don’t stop “illegal criminals” (as opposed to legal ones?), gangs, or opioids coming up from the Mexico border, and, tried to cushion this with a statement that, in any other era, would a slam-dunk for the year’s most cringeworthy quote: “the NRA cares.”
And how do they show this care? By demanding that schools be turned into prisons. Why shouldn’t there be armed guards at every school, he wondered. We provide armed security at banks, airports, even sporting events; to do anything less, he argues, is proof you don’t care. If any school wants the hands-on security that only armed hired goons can provide, LaPierre said the NRA is more than willing to provide it. “That’s more than (the legacy media) has done,” he brags, forgetting that he spent the previous ten minutes warning the horrors performed by Second-Amendment hating “socialists.” . (And if you were wondering where Il Douché got his truly awful idea to arm teachers, look no further.)
In both La Pierre and Loesch’s world, safety is a binary—you want safe schools, they both claim, your only choice is either arm them to the teeth or leave them completely vulnerable. And for a group who claims to be on the side of the “good guys with guns.” they both certainly talked down the FBI. They step right up to the precipice of blaming the G-Men for not catching a troubled 19-year-old with an arsenal, without ever wondering if there’s something that could have been done to keep to said 19-year-old from purchasing those weapons.
Here is where the perniciousness of Il Douché attacking his own Justice Department to save his own skin turns problematic. It’s almost impossible to imagine the NRA seeing the FBI as an enemy at any point in its history. They’ve decided to carry the president’s water, but that doesn’t make their stance any less scary. Because nothing makes a nation feel more secure than an armed band of people whose understanding of the Constitution appears to have been cribbed from an old Classic Comics Illustrated (they’ve yet to explain how the right to bear arms could both be both well-regulated and un-infringed) decides that law enforcement is a partisan agent and takes the law into their own hands.
At ObitMagazine, we are endlessly fascinated by the culture and philosophy of Death. But LaPierre and Loesch embrace death in a particularly unappealing way: they are willing to place a cribbed and nonsensical reading of a poorly drafted Constitutional Amendment (we dare anyone to parse the Second and explain what that comma after “State” is doing there) over the needless deaths of their fellow citizens. That is unacceptable. Loesch and LaPierre claim to be on the side of freedom, but they’re the front line of American Fascism, and they don’t care who gets hurt.
Or, as they say in Klingon, “‘Iw soil ‘ej.”
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