O-Bits: Deathly Travel Guide Edition

We’ve all seen those “100 Places You Must See Before You Die” stories. They’re fine, as far as travel porn goes—I hear Damascus is lovely this time of year—but at the Obit niche, we’re on the lookout for places where you literally wouldn’t want to be caught dead. Our first stop is Chhindwara, a town in central India, where a man was declared dead not once, but twice, and managed to revive both times, which puts him one resurrection up on Jesus. The second time, he was on the autopsy table, when the building’s janitor—who also has a higher security clearance than Jared Kushner—noticed some movement, Doctors immediately shifted him to a pre-mortem facility, where he responded to treatment. He is expected to make a full recovery, although doctors were disturbed when his first words after coming to were “Brains! Must have human brains!”

The next place we’d avoid is Cardiff, Wales. Nothing against Cardiff—it’s a lovely city, even if most of the street names are unpronounceable; the Welsh might have a reputation for tight-fistedness, but you’d think they’d spring for a vowel or two. For example: The town of Mold is spelled Yr Wyddgrug in Welsh, which looks like someone mistyped You’re Welcome. The problem with Cardiff is that they’re running our of places to bury their dead. Thornhill Cemetery, the city’s major cemetery is expected to run out of space by 2020, and the surrounding roads and parkland keep it from expanding. A new cemetery is planned, less than half a mile from the present facility, but that will only meet the demand for the next 40 years.

Finally, if we ever return the Obit homestead and die in the Bronx, we do not want to be handled by the R.G. Ortiz Funeral Home. At least until they clean up their act. On Sunday, they managed to mix up the bodies for not one, not two, not three, but four—count ’em, four!—funerals. While this sounds like the start of a mortuary farce/rom-com—Four Funerals and a Wedding?—they left four families so distraught, they couldn’t even complain about the Oscars “In Memoriam” segment.

Steven Mirkin

Steven Mirkin’s diverse career has taken him from politics to pop culture to high art, offering him a front row seat to some of the most fascinating events and personalities of our time: writing speeches, fundraising appeals and campaign materials for Ed Koch, John Heinz and independent presidential candidate John B. Anderson; chronicling the punk/new wave scenes in New York and London; interviewing musicians such as Elton John, John Lydon and Buck Owens; profiling modern masters Julian Schnabel, Paul Schrader and Jonathan Safran Foer; and writing for TV shows including 21, The Chamber, Let's Make A Deal, and Rock Star: INXS.