You’d think O-Bits would be all-in about a movie called “Death Wish.” After all, what’s not to love? And you could understand why Bruce Willis, Eli Roth, and others involved with the remake of the 1974 Charles Bronson vehicle would think it was an idea whose time had returned. The original is an efficient, brutal thriller of vigilante justice that created the template for Quentin Tarantino, and the later career of Liam Neeson. And was also released at a time when a Republican president under investigation with the threat of impeachment. That still doesn’t make up for the cruddy feeling the movie leaves you with; rooting for Bronson’s Paul Kersey as he rids a near-bankrupt New York of assorted muggers and sundry street toughs makes you feel ugly inside, like realizing you’ve taken the side of the Klan in D.W. Griffith’s “Birth of a Nation” (which at least has the advantage of at least being well-made). But the original didn’t have to fend with headwinds of not one, but two, mass murders—originally scheduled for last October, it was pulled after the shooting in Las Vegas, and now, released directly into the wake of the slaughter at Marjory Stoneman Douglas. (The producers probably figured it would always be too soon, and dumped it on Oscar Weekend, when moviegoers set their ambitions higher.) That didn’t deter the nation’s critics, as the movie scored 10% on review aggregator Rotten Tomatoes. NPR called it “lazy” and “cynical”; RogerEbert.com said it’s “vigilante dad rock.” The New York Times Jeanette Catsoulis was terser, writing it off as “an imbecilic misfire,” while the LA Times Justin Chang who, in addition to using “imbecilic” and “misfire” in his review, added that to criticize the timing of its release “would suggest that there might ever be an appropriate moment to see it.”
Bad reviews or not, the plot of “Death Wish” just got a plug from Il Douché, who at a White House event looking for ways to stem the epidemic of opioid addition, told the assembled guests he didn’t think the United States is tough enough on drug dealers. Jail is too good for them; he wants them executed. Where did he come up with this idea? Why from the paragon of democracy that is Philippine President (and latest Il Douché strongman crush) Rodrigo Duterte, who dealt with his country’s drug problem by simply killing thousands of of his countrymen, without all that fuss of having to deal with warrants, courts, and other bothersome Constitutional issues. Duterte’s solution to the problem that has attracted the International Criminal Court, so he and the president could also compare notes on how to deal with nosy prosecutors.
Going from the purblind to the felonious, we end today’s O-Bits with the story of Thomas Evans Jr., a (now-former) employee at the Orleans Parish Coroner’s Office. NOLA might be the city that care forgot, but here was one guy who really just forgot to care. He not only stole a camera from his office, but pawned it…multiple times. But the last time he brought the camera to trade he made a fatal mistake. He pawned the camera (for just $100) with the memory card still inside, containing crime scene photos and shots of corpses. He was arrested and charged with malfeasance in office, theft and obstruction of justice. He could be in high company those are also three crimes Il Douché might be accused of.
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